A New Feel...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
My Perplexity...
Confusion meets my eye,
Yes or nix?
What do you see in me?
This adolescent, who’s virtue,
Has been thieved long ago.
Why? And how? And when?
Variety awaits you,
Yet it is me you choose.
Which part of me, did it strike your heart?
My diffidence is strong,
My self posture, weak and feeble.
Questions continue to reside in me,
Am I of any worth to you?
What if my appearance were to be dissimilar?
What if my traits were to be of not your favor?
What if I were to jest and wear a mask?
A mask so thick, you will never see,
Daylight in me ever again.
Fear and doubt mock me,
To not give in to you,
Yet is it something else, that presages me,
Of not to give in too?
I am afraid of your stance,
You may seem wiser,
And I , just a mere child.
I fear your rejection,
I fear your refusal,
I fear your distaste,
I fear your change in mind.
Queries and unknowns,
How amusing can they be?
My mind, so full of reflections,
Yet, you seem to seal them all.
So many doubts,
So many uncertainties,
So many suspicions,
Of reasons to prefer me.
Oh but how I feel for you,
For I have never felt so sheltered,
For I have never felt so full,
Full to my desire’s brim.
But the danger I seek,
Seems too much to bear,
For I am frightened,
Of what lies behind this tempting wall.
I have no hammer to make it crumble,
For I fear you are too strong,
Too sturdy for your own good,
And too risky for my own.
How I wish, how I wonder,
If my appearance I shant make alluring,
And my behavior I shant make pleasant!
Alas, I cannot make it so,
For it would seem uncouth to you,
And that is not of my desire.
So I ask you again,
Why do you seek me?
With all that is laid in front of you,
Why do you perceive me?
Why do you discern this girl,
Who is of no exception,
To the world around her.
Tell me my dear,
Would you linger for me?
Would you fight your own fight?
Or would you move on,
If you do not acquire,
What you have been yearning for?
Disclaimer:
Happy New Year of 2012 everyone!
Another derived thought coming from my deepest sense of bewilderment, Do enjoy. :)
Labels: confusion, hurt, love, uncertainty
11:09 AM
Truth is One, Concern is Two, Love is Three, Four...You?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Reasons to Believe, Raison d'être
So many people,
With so many perceptions,
So many views,
In which to decide.
Truth hurts,
Lies hurt too.
Our ears can only obtain,
What it is capable of hearing.
Fear is one,
But care is two,
Frankly I am unsure,
Of where I fit in.
I consider why,
And yet I wonder how,
Was it because it was mine?
Was it because I was mulish?
Was it because to be able to forget,
Was to remember all that was done?
You are a speculation,
I can never derive,
I cannot comprehend,
I couldn’t liberate.
You were a fraction in my life,
In which I was glad to sow,
To let it grow and nourish,
To assent it to spread and prosper,
For it was unknown,
Until I let it die.
You were a gift,
You were a purity,
That edified me so much,
Gave me my confidence and will,
Gave me a reason to leap,
And I thank God for your teaching.
Alas, everything turned grey,
And rain tapped on my door,
And resentment filled my head,
And fire passed on to you.
I recognized so much,
As up to now,
There is not a day I don’t.
The unbearable ache,
Of what happened,
Of what inanity,
I was capable of doing.
Nothing was said,
But everything to be expressed.
For I am afraid to impair you,
Once more,
As I see you so happy,
In your little bubble of joy and dreams.
I care for you,
Or is that too impractical?
Or maybe I do not have the ability to,
For I have stained you too much,
For you to ever,
Have faith in me again.
How I missed those times more,
When these two were poised at best,
For themselves,
And for each other.
I saw so much innocence,
How young,
I saw so much ringing,
Of laughter,
I saw so much colour,
Of life,
I saw everything.
Listen to me,
Affliction,
Choking for no rationale,
Bounded by something invincible,
An unseen garrote,
Failed to be cut loose from.
Sigh,
It never ends.
How truth hurts,
And how lies hurt too.
Because our ears can only obtain,
What it is capable of hearing.
(And I slot in yet again another sentimentality... In which I wrote in black and white, And in which filled my bio notes, minus the ink blots which I preferably not discuss about... Haha...Thank you & God bless you all )
2:01 PM
I Can't Stand It
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Ignorance is Bliss
If I was invincible,
Things would never change.
I did not need to say 'if',
Because I am already unyielding,
Alas,
I am also torn down,
And this, you, are the preliminary source,
The source of my apprehension,
Of why I submerge into abyss.
I look at thee,
And my lips curl,
Up to the heavens,
Or down below,
It depends all together.
Mostly, disquietude comes to play,
And then everything else falls,
In and out of place.
You have your druthers, you glide the way you please,
You avert solitude and discretion.
It is startling that you would,
Bestow your time with atypical things,
Persons, situations exceptionally found,
In our eyes,
Infrequent in our taste.
People have had claimed,
That the implementation was intentional,
But who am I to know?
Who am I to be judicious?
Neglecting your feelings is hard,
It makes it nearly impossible,
Apprehending it is worse,
More than you could ever know.
Just don't know,
You don't heed,
Just don't need,
To feel the guilt,
To sense the sadness,
That this girl harbors,
In your absence.
Does she want this?
Nix, definitely not.
Albeit, then,
Wouldn't she be,
Contradicting herself?
Seeing you,
Is as relevant to torture,
As akin to suffering,
As relevant to pain,
Excruciating,
And maybe endless.
(I wrote this down two weeks ago, on a drabbled piece of paper that I relentlessly scrunch and smoothen again and again.)
Apologies for the downfall of happy poems ><
God bless you.
Labels: bliss, fail, ignorance, invincible, regret, searching
10:36 AM
The Way I Started: Silence
Hi everyone :) I hope y'all like the first poem. Remember this? Silence.
SILENCE
Silence,
What does that mean to you?
Is it the lack of words?
The lack of feeling, maybe?
The lack of self-control, hmm
Indefinitely.
The need of being forgotten,
Among the clamor and talk,
Or is it just,
The only thing you have left?
Questions do reside,
But they always say,
“Silence is golden”,
Alas, who are they?
Who are they to tell the world,
How commensurate silence is to purity.
Hush,
The atmosphere is quiet,
Noiselessness takes over,
Silence engulfs every sound you make,
Yes, I know it’s suffocating.
But, the lull in your sleep,
Does that mean peace?
In stillness and placidity,
In serenity and tranquility.
No, it’s not true,
Silence, it aggravates you,
The lull in your sleep,
It’s never at peace,
Silence speaks more than words,
It enunciates your mind,
The murmurs you make,
It hurts every time.
Be still,
Perk up your ears,
Hear the silence,
Hear your fears,
Hear your heart,
Hear your breath,
Hear your thoughts,
And everything you regret.
The stillness kills you,
It makes you think,
It makes you wonder,
It makes your heart ponder.
So why so desolate?
Why so renounced?
Why so rejected?
Why so withdrawn?
Why so disconsolate?
Disconsolate?
What do you mean?
Disheartened? Dejected? Poignant?
Or is it the opposite that you want?
Oh questions dwell,
So stop.
You’re hurt,
I know what you mean,
Sometimes things get so ugly,
Other times, bad things go unseen.
They are concealed,
Concealed in the depth of your flouting heart,
Defying heart,
Rebellious heart.
Tell me,
Does silence eradicate you?
Does it steal your soul forever,
Does it seize your breath?
Tell me…
Nix,
Never.
God bless you.
<3
Labels: Friends, God, Happiness, Lonely, Silence
5:54 AM
testing
Saturday, October 15, 2011
testing testing
BAI XD
6:49 AM
